Review

Review Date: 25-January-09
Spoiler Rating: Low
Juju Judgment: Junk

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)

The first Underworld movie felt exciting and new.

The second Underworld movie felt like pig excrement.

The third Underworld movie feels very, very old. On top of the fact that its story was outlined in the original flick, its every situation, facial expression, and scrap of dialogue is one that moviegoers have met before. Despite buckets of blood before my eyes, overpriced sugar in my veins, and a love for Michael Sheen in my heart (ooh, snarling!), Rise of the Lycans just plain bored me.

Fresh from his triumph in (and Oscar snub for) Frost/Nixon, Sheen reprises his role as a noble werewolf who throws off the chains of slavery and begins a war between his race, known as the Lycans, and vampires. The vampires in this mythology are your standard bloated aristocracy — think Southern plantation owners, Louis XVI pre-guillotine, or Laurence Olivier in Spartacus, only without the benefit of sunlight. Though related by immortality to the Lycans, the vampires despise them and use a technological and organizational supremacy to reduce them to beasts of burden. The bloodsuckers even breed Lycans for specific purposes, which is how Sheen's character came to be. But wouldn'tcha know it, their comeuppance sprouts within their own bosom. The leader of the vampires (Bill Nighy, also reprising his role) has a daughter (Rhona Mitra) who he hopes will serve as his right hand while subjugating others and looking pompous. Yet she has secretly taken Sheen as her lover and intends to fly with him whenever he breaks for freedom. (Alas, the sex in this movie is as laughable as it was in the second.)

Sheen does bust out with manly and unoriginal oaths, bringing along a band of fellow slaves and recruiting from his more bestial brethren who inhabit the woods. Even though his vampire mate can kick ass, she becomes a damsel in distress when daddy finds out about their affair and prevents her from escaping. Back to the castle hastens Sheen to rescue his lady love. In a glaring example of sloppy writing or editing, his approach to the heavily guarded fortress is set up as a challenge and then he is suddenly inside the walls, prowling about unnoticed. From there he is only a few motions away from the predictable revelations, heartbreaks, and showdowns. Rise of the Lycans is more bearable than its immediate predecessor, but it does nothing to elevate the series from a muddled and murky gloom.

Copyright © 2009 The Jujube (M. I. Kim). All rights reserved.