Review

Review Date: 5-March-06
 

The 2006 Academy Awards Broadcast

This year's theme: cinema as statement ... and don't try it at home.

5:06 pm (PST): Jon Stewart (whose potency resides in his hair) scores by relegating the pursuit of truth in journalism to a period piece, then wins big laughs with a montage of non-gay (ahem) scenes from old westerns.

5:20 pm: George Clooney accepts the first award (Supporting Actor in "Syriana") and offers in return the coolest acceptance speech of the evening. Jake Gyllenhaal may be the cutest star in the room (and Matt Dillon the most ageless), but the smart and impassioned Clooney is my hero.

5:33 pm: Break out the cheese! Wallace and Gromit win their third Academy Award, besting strong contenders in the Animated Picture category.

5:47 pm: So if Price Waterhouse Coopers are the only guys who know the winners before the show, how can there be animated presenters like Chicken Little? Of course, I didn't lip-read his announcement ....

5:57 pm: Yup, I knew it: Steve Carell looks great in false eyelashes.

6:09 pm: Rachel Weisz beams while receiving the statuette for Supporting Actress, despite having been introduced as the woman "known to audiences for 'The Mummy' and 'The Mummy Returns."" What about "The Constant Gardener?"

6:20 pm: Presenter (and nominee) Terrence Howard proves that men also look good in diamond accessories. Now if we could just convince some male hottie to wear a skirt.

6:22 pm: As any birdbrain might have predicted, "March of the Penguins" waddles away with the Best Documentary award. (PS: Charlize, the bow must go.)

6:35 pm: "Memoirs of a Geisha" continues its sweep of the less-touted categories, adding Best Art Direction to Best Costume Design. (It later picks up Best Cinematography as well.)

6:42 pm: The Academy president talks up the theatergoing experience. I guess 2005's abysmal box office still has Hollywood reeling. (That was a pun. Sort of.)

6:50 pm: After a couple of misses, "Brokeback Mountain" wins its first Oscar for Best Original Score.

6:58 pm: More with the "You just can't beat the big screen experience" schtick. Would you like some desperation with your champagne?

7:05 pm: Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep are actually funny while introducing Robert Altman, recipient of this year's honorary Oscar.

7:20 pm: It wouldn't be an Academy Awards show without a cheesy dance number, thus the sad gyrations accompanying "Hustle and Flow"'s nominated song (which wins a few minutes later).

7:28 pm: Jennifer Garner does something I always wondered if I would see: she trips over her dress en route to the microphone (and, fortunately, recovers without falling on her face).

7:33 pm: Shelley Winters gets the loudest claps during the "In Memoriam" segment (although the crowd is unusually subdued throughout).

7:48 pm: A visibly moved Philip Seymour Hoffman wins for Best Actor in "Capote" (Yippee!) and makes thanking his mother much more than a corny gesture.

8:01 pm: The Best Actress statuette goes to a radiant Reese Witherspoon, and boy did she earn it in "Walk the Line." (Felicity Huffman settles for best dress of the evening.)

8:10 pm: "Brokeback Mountain" gains momentum by winning the Best Adapted Screenplay race. Four minutes later, "Crash" wins for Best Original Screenplay.

8:20 pm: Ang Lee walks off with the Best Director award for "Brokeback Mountain." And then ....

8:24 pm: Holy crap! A shocker comes at last as "Crash" is named Best Picture over front-runner "Brokeback Mountain."

Despite this exciting surprise and a strong roster of nominees, the show was lackluster overall.

For a complete list of winners, see www.oscars.com.

Copyright © 2006 The Jujube (M. I. Kim). All rights reserved.