Review

Review Date: 23-March-03
 

The 2003 Academy Awards Broadcast

Blessed with an unusually high number of worthy nominees and dampened by war with Iraq, Oscar's 75th birthday was a conflicted affair. But it turned out to be a good one. Here's the blow by blow.

5:00 pm (PST): As the stars make their way inside the pavilion, it becomes clear that green is this year's gown color of choice.

5:30 pm: Steve Martin's opening number falls a little flat until his final joke, "What is a movie star?" which he partly answers by saying s/he is "tall, short, thin or skinny."

5:47 pm: I'm already cheering as the first two awards are given out: "Spirited Away" is Best Animated Feature, and the Lord of the Rings crew takes the Visual Effects honor.

5:58 pm: As predicted, Chris Cooper wins the first big award of the night, for Supporting Actor in "Adaptation." (He also brings the first tear to my eye as he thanks his wife and proves to be a class act.)

6:13 pm: Things start going downhill as Jennifer Garner hits the stage with a highly annoying Mickey Mouse. (Jennifer, call your agent.)

6:20 pm: "Chicago" goes two for two as Colleen Atwood wins for Costume Design. Yeah for her, but I still can't forgive the Academy for failing to nominate "Far From Heaven" in this category.

6:37 pm: The "Chicago" sweep appears to be unstoppable as Catherine Zeta-Jones upsets Meryl Streep for Best Supporting Actress. The lucky lady, eight months pregnant, gets not only a gold statue, but also a kiss from a gorgeously clad Sean Connery. (But where is the kilt?)

6:48 pm: The mid-program slump comes a little early as the show's producers actually have the audacity to pay tribute to past years' musical numbers. Has anyone really enjoyed one of those, ever?

6:57 pm: Salma Hayek, the night's Most Beautiful Woman, presents the Best Foreign Language Film award to Germany's "Nowhere in Africa." (She'd be even more beautiful if she tried smiling.)

7:06 pm: Newly hot Mexican actor Gael Garcia Bernal delivers the show's first anti-war statement and gets polite but unenthusiastic applause . . .

7:17 pm: . . . but the liberals immediately bounce back when Michael Moore wins Best Documentary for "Bowling for Columbine" and unleashes a firestorm of disgust on George Bush (to loud cheers and boos alike).

7:24 pm: "Chicago" stumbles for the first time as the late Conrad L. Hall wins Best Cinematography for "Road to Perdition." I hated the movie, but it really was pretty to look at.

7:29 pm: Proving that being 75 doesn't make him stodgy, a video clip of former winners ends with Kathy Bates kissing Oscar's ass.

7:53 pm: The evening's Most Unforgettable Moment comes when the dark horse winner for Best Actor, Adrien Brody, gets two standing ovations: the first for being young and cute (and planting a monstrous kiss on presenter Halle Berry), the second for passionately expressing his hope that the war will come to a swift conclusion.

8:01 pm: The surprises keep rolling in as Eminem's "Lose Yourself" beats U2 for Best Original Song.

8:09 pm: A subdued but elegant Peter O'Toole receives his honorary Oscar from Meryl Streep.

8:20 pm: Nicole Kidman takes home the Best Actress award, thereby disappointing both me and the night's Most Beautiful Man, Bart Freundlich (father of Julianne Moore's two children).

8:25 pm: Things really drag as they introduce 59 (!) past winners by name. I'm all for keeping in touch with history, but I think showing a montage of past honorees before announcing the winners in the acting categories is enough.

8:47 pm: Pedro Almodovar takes the Best Original Screenplay prize for "Talk to Her." This completes the Academy's total shafting of Todd Haynes' deserving "Far From Heaven." (At least it didn't go to "My Big Fat Greek Wedding.")

8:53 pm: Wow. My jaw drops several feet as Roman Polanski, a fugitive from justice who cannot set foot in the US, wins Best Director for "The Pianist." Bravo, Academy.

8:56 pm: In a climax that surprises no one, "Chicago" bops away with the coveted award for Best Motion Picture of the Year. Was it really? No. Was it better than the last three winners ("A Beautiful Mind," "Gladiator," and "American Beauty")? Yes. So I guess we're moving in the right direction.

As my tired eyes and overheated television shut down for a much needed rest, here are the thoughts I take to bed about this year's Oscars:

• It's great to know you can always count on a surprise or two.
• I hope every movie made between now and 2005 isn't reworked into a musical.
• Harrison Ford finally looks old.
• Movies kick ass.
• I have got to get Adrien Brody's phone number.

Copyright © 2003 The Jujube (M. I. Kim). All rights reserved.