Review

Review Date: 9-April-06
Spoiler Rating: Low
Juju Judgment: Junk

Take the Lead (2006)

Why is it such a tricky thing
If pieces are in place,
The rhumba, tango, and the swing,
To make a film with grace?
Let's say you had a leading man
Who gives the trot its fox,
And youngsters who might earn a fan
If let out of the box,
Would not your palette be complete
For a work of real pizzazz?
A hip-hop, sexy, salsa beat
Instead of dull smooth jazz?
Perhaps, and yet with "Take the Lead"
Mere dullness is the key.
It won't quite set your ears to bleed,
But it sucks, take it from me.

The star is named Pierre Dulaine
(Banderas has this part),
A courtly, genteel guy from Spain
With ballroom dance at heart.
Because he's nuts, or maybe cool,
He donates all his time
To a local inner-city school
Where math competes with crime.
At first it's sorta, kinda cute
How the teens view him askance,
And render all his lessons moot
On the principles of dance,
But once the stage has thus been set
All cuteness trips away.
As clichés are the surest bet,
This movie goes astray.

I'm sure you could predict this list
Of Wisdom To Be Learned,
Not one old chestnut has been missed,
Not one trite stone unturned:
There's two good kids with family woes,
Whom drugs and violence haunt.
If Pierre taps his twinkle toes
Will they get what they want?
Their principal is full of doubt,
Her optimism's sunk,
Will his conviction draw her out,
His status as a hunk?

The other kids all make their mark
As bland and hackneyed types,
Some rich and white, some poor and dark
With standard teenage gripes.
The "romances" — oh, they're the pits,
Must we endure them too?
The one cotillion gave me fits
And made me want to spew.

The trailer, which was quite a tease,
Put rhythm at the fore,
But the movie simply aims to please
With the same old boring score.
The heat of bodies melded, one,
The discipline, finesse,
The soul of dance, its fire and fun,
Don't figure in this mess.
The same old, same old teacher tale
To a slightly different tune:
"Take the Lead" is so damn stale
You'll snore when you should swoon.

(In addition to Antonio Banderas, "Take the Lead" stars Rob Brown, YaYa DaCosta, and Alfre Woodard.)

Copyright © 2006 The Jujube (M. I. Kim). All rights reserved.