Review

Review Date: 23-October-11
Spoiler Rating: Low
Juju Judgment: Just OK

The Three Musketeers (2011)

The last time moviegoers saw Logan Lerman he was starring as Percy Jackson in the disappointing bastardization of a popular fantasy book. Now Lerman is back as another literary character, the swashbuckling country boy d'Artagnan in The Three Musketeers. I won't call his new movie "disappointing" because the French classic doesn't impress me as much as the Percy Jackson series. But I will state that Lerman ought to tread carefully because these adaptations of his are lame.

Anyone who is familiar with director Paul W.S. Anderson's work (e.g., Alien vs. Predator, a couple of Resident Evil flicks) or who saw the trailer for The Three Musketeers knows that this is not your average period piece. Almost as soon as d'Artagnan arrives in Paris and joins forces with swordsmen Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Porthos (Ray Stevenson), and Aramis (Luke Evans), special effects take over the show. The central effect is a flying ship, rather like the Black Pearl suspended from a giant bladder, in which a sneering British ambassador (Orlando Bloom, playing against type) arrives at the French court. This inspires a plot from power-hungry Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz, playing exactly to type), whose most powerful weapon is the amoral and mysterious Milady. Milla Jovovich assumes this meaty role, which has been occupied before by Lana Turner and Faye Dunaway. While she does bring a new athleticism to it … well, let's just say that Jovovich is to acting what corn dogs are to dining.

The flying ship is revisited and multiplied as the movie goes on, ending with a colossal foundering on top of Notre Dame cathedral. The adventure might have benefited from this matinee embellishment if only a chronic dullness didn't bring it down. The musketeers look sexy enough (their introduction is the best part of the movie), but, being marginal, they mostly emphasize what a cookie-cutter kid Lerman is. Despite the wine and camaraderie that flows between them, "your horse took a dump in the street" passes for wit. On a quest to save their queen's reputation, they spend more time talking about breaking into the Tower of London than actually doing it, which is not a good sign for an action flick. As for the sword-fighting, it gives the movie a pulse instead of the adrenalin shot it needs. Swirling capes, heaving bosoms, secret chambers, giant bladders — there's plenty to look at in The Three Musketeers, yet lacking panache it's a feast of fancy filler.

Copyright © 2011 The Jujube (M. I. Kim). All rights reserved.