Review

Review Date: 5-February-06
Spoiler Rating: Low
Juju Judgment: Juicy

Something New (2006)

The really dumb thing about paint-by-number romances is that the doleful setups feel just as false as the happy endings. That is, the principals are usually young, attractive, possessed of witty friends or family, and comfortably ensconced in chic urban residences, and yet we're supposed to feel sorry for them even though we know what's coming. Of course, they're initially single or inexplicably engaged to doofuses, which indicates some dangerous flaw like fear of happiness, but this never suggests any significant degree of crisis. I guess the intent is to make the audience root for the characters' fulfillment without ever feeling depressed. To me, the formula is a surefire recipe for tedium. But every now and then it offers a decent way to pass the time, especially , or rather exclusively, when the actors demand sympathy through sheer sex appeal. Such is the case with "Something New."

Writer Kriss Turner tries to revitalize the standard scenario with an interracial theme, but this only distinguishes the movie to a point. The key to its appeal lies in the casting of the smart, stylish Sanaa Lathan and the babealicious Simon Baker as a pair of L.A. opposites who prove the truth of the adage with a vengeance. Kenya is repressed (and black), Brian is low-key (and white), and while she crunches numbers in a corner office he gets sweaty transforming her back yard into a pleasure garden. They're both successful, but with different feelings of social standing and sacrifice. When he looks at her, he sees beauty and potential; when she looks at him, she sees the prohibitive color of his skin. Well, that and great biceps, so she gives him a go before developing second thoughts.

I have no idea how vast America's black-white divide actually is, but I take exception to this aspect of the romantic-movie formula here as elsewhere: that the obstacle to love seems so piddling. First, the story removes all economic strain from the racial rift, which means that the lovers share similar upper-middle-class goals and expectations. Second, Kenya's not an idiot, so you have to wonder why she wouldn't realize that an outgoing person like Brian suited her better than the Type A reflection of herself (Blair Underwood) who forms the final-act triangle, no matter what her horrid mother (Alfre Woodard), obnoxious brother (Donald Faison), and bevy of friends might say. Finally, her eyeballs and hormones are apparently functional, and Brian is a first-class hunk one would have to be crazy, not just bottled-up, to reject. When Baker is on screen, physical superbness clearly trumps all pigmentary considerations. His mouth is ambrosial, he makes Hawaiian shirts look succulent, and it's a sure bet he smells fantastic. Brian is fearless and funny and sweet, and those laugh lines are only getting better with age ... he would make a swell Santa in 30 years ... a rugged, hot Santa on whose lap you'd definitely want to sit ... what was I saying again?

Oh yes, something about the implausibility of gorgeous protagonists contriving roadblocks to happily ever after by temporarily abandoning soulmates for no reason other than flimsy dramatic tension. I know, I know, the mechanics aren't meant to be taken seriously, only the salubrious conclusion that love is waiting around to conquer all. I ain't buying it, before or after seeing "Something New," but I'll take such medicine when it's coated in a good dose of sugar.

Copyright © 2006 The Jujube (M. I. Kim). All rights reserved.