Review

Review Date: 5-March-06
Spoiler Rating: Low
Juju Judgment: Junk

16 Blocks (2006)

Bruce Willis spends all of "16 Blocks" as a dumpy mess. Eyes bloodshot, stubble grey, paunch spilling over the top of rumpled pants, his Jack Mosley is the very picture of a washed-up old drunk who has seen too much, done too little, and never found the energy to give a crap (and isn't likely to start now). Such pathetic malaise, which is more than a tad overdone, is both the alpha and omega of this film — I simply could not get beyond it. During the entire movie I wanted to heave a sigh for enervating ennui, lost afternoons, and Hollywood's habit of regurgitating previously ingested pap, until I suppose you could say I understood Jack's pain. When it comes to his life, I couldn't care less either.

As it happens, I walk 16 blocks each way getting to and from work, and I suspect it takes me the same amount of time as it took Richard Wenk to write this unoriginal story. The crime-centered buddy movie has certainly succeeded before (see "Midnight Run"), but "16 Blocks" proves (once and for all, I hope) that it requires some style and intelligence to pull off. Everything in this (figuratively) bloodless tale of a cop finding redemption by granting redemption is as conspicuous as the powder on Willis' face. The witness he's asked to shepherd to the county courthouse (Mos Def) is much too cheerful a dork (I kept waiting for him to drop the affectation and reveal some secret, more interesting identity). Jack's ex-partner (David Morse) is all bark and no bite, a corrupt lawman who appears less frightening and more ineffectual as he botches repeated attempts to shut the witness down. In the director's chair, Richard Donner tries everything he can to generate tension and coherence where none exist, including contrivances (Jack's bum leg), McGuffins (the witness' notebook), improbabilities (duct tape on a city bus), and plain old smokescreens (jumpy camera movement to create the illusion of chaos in perfectly controlled situations). Despite his obvious effort, the only tools in his box that actually work are Willis and Def, who dial in their performances (what else could they do?) but can't help looking likable even when they're made ridiculous.

"16 Blocks" is so dull that it isn't worth contempt or continued consideration (though I am curious: did the Vermont Teddy Bear Company actually pay for the promo in this gun-heavy film?). If this is the only new movie you're thinking about seeing (as it was for me), I suggest going for a walk instead.

Copyright © 2006 The Jujube (M. I. Kim). All rights reserved.