Review

Review Date: 17-June-07
Spoiler Rating: Medium
Juju Judgment: Junk

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

We all know that Jessica Alba looks great in a bikini, but did you also know that she's quite the comedian? It's true. As reported in Entertainment Weekly, "For the new Fan Four film, Alba promises her character will have way more substance...." That is seriously funny stuff. The most substanceless thing about "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" is Alba's Sue Storm, aka The Invisible Woman. While serving to warn against garish contact lenses and dye jobs, she displays the exact emotional depth of a Pringle. And although her moniker tantalizingly suggests otherwise, she spends a lot of time visible on screen.

Alba and her character aren't the only problems with this picture, however. Whereas the original "FF" flick was silly in an enjoyable way, this one is just plain dull. Alternating between the personal lives of its so-called "super" heroes and the threat of a more interesting foe, returning director Tim Story fails to deliver warmth, humor, or action sequences up to the standard of the summer market. The movie opens with a thud upon the nuptials of brainy hunk Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) and my buddy Sue, which entails clichés about cold feet, obsessive planning, and overarching love and relegates Sue's cocky brother Johnny (Chris Evans) and their pal the Thing (Michael Chiklis) to the sidelines. The plot finally gets going with the arrival of the Silver Surfer (body by Doug Jones, voice by Laurence Fishburne), a humanoid from another planet whose presence wreaks havoc on Earth. It also messes with Johnny's metabolic structure, but this effect goes undeveloped and merely gives Chiklis the chance to shed his make-up and show his face (as he and Johnny briefly switch powers). This is one of many potential conflicts that the movie introduces and then drops. Other examples include marital discord due to Reed's workaholism, a breakup of the team, and a relationship for Johnny that doesn't involve a bimbo.

The Silver Surfer is fairly cool, with his buff 'n' shiny bod, oracular speech, and underlying romantic streak (brought out by — you guessed it — my buddy Sue). Too bad he has come to Earth in advance of an evil space cloud that views the Milky Way and every other galaxy as an all-you-can-eat buffet. Even more unfortunate (for the viewer), he is intercepted by the foursome's archrival Victor von Doom (Julian McMahon) and declared an enemy of the state by an Army commander (André Braugher). These guys contribute a lot of alpha-male sneering and little else. In fact, their superfluousness defines the movie. The titular new character outshines the primary old ones, but he can't carry the sequel on his own. It can only be called a wipeout.

Copyright © 2007 The Jujube (M. I. Kim). All rights reserved.